For the love of a dog
This morning, I lost my sweet angel Konalani to hemangiosarcoma. My last post was an attempt to come to grips with the diagnosis: a tumor in her heart that would intermittently bleed, each time requiring a pericardiocentesis, or draining of the blood from the sac around her heart to relieve the pressure from the fluid build-up. Except one day, the way this cancer works, the bleeding doesn’t stop. Days to weeks were what we were told we had.
Every morning when we woke up, Kona would snuggle up to me and I’d tell her that today was a good day, because I was waking up next to her. When we’d get in bed in the evening, I’d tell her that it was a good night because I got to go to sleep next to her one more time. Every little cock of her head, every one of her little idiosyncrasies, every time she’d put her paw on my leg or foot to make sure I didn’t leave her–each of those moments took on such depth and meaning and reflected pure, unconditional love. Every little thing was sharpened, in heightened relief, because all of a sudden time was precious. But the thing is: time is always precious. We never know how much time we have; everyone’s time is limited. But we go about pretending like it’s not. It’s so easy to get caught up in our routines, racing from one task to the next, striving to cross things off of our to-do list. I would like to cultivate such present-moment awareness and appreciation in my daily life; I don’t want it to take a crisis to bring me back to Here, Now.
It was the first hummingbird I’ve seen all year.
Pono and I took a hike this morning, in memoriam. We went back to the canyon where the three of us hiked together last. While the air was thick with smoke from wildfires, the mountainscape was breathtaking nonetheless.
Do Not Stand at My Grave Mary Elizabeth Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.
Cindy’s Famous Salmon Fudge For your favorite canine companions
Preheat oven to 375 degrees Farenheit.
Cream all ingredients together.
Press onto a small cookie sheet or baking dish; mixture should be about 1/2″ thick.
Bake 30-40 minutes, until the edges are lightly browned and a toothpick inserted into the center of comes out clean.
Let cool, and cut into squares.
Stores well in the freezer.